Latest Hypo Tweet

Top 10 Famous Hypochondriacs

Ok, so we don’t have any flashy superstars (because they never get sick or age), but we do have a genius, Darwin - Who else keeps a record of his own flatulence?

Let’s just ignore number 8 and remember that we share the same hypochondriac nature as the wonderful Florence Nightingale! Her selfless feats remind us that we, too, can help people since we know every disease out there, not from med-school but because, at different points in our lives, we’ve been convinced that we’ve had them.

Then there’s Little Miss Sunshine’s Abigail Breslin who, despite her adorable, child-like appearance, worries more than your average adult. Abigail is so afraid of stepping on glass that she wears shoes everywhere including in bed because, as we hypos are well aware, there is always the chance that one will sleepwalk, smash a glass, and step on the shattered remains in the middle of the night.

3
Two years ago, I thought the lymph node under the left side of my neck was larger than the one on the right side. I showed my general practitioner, she said it felt normal. I showed my gynecologist, she said it looked far better than the inside of a vagina. When I made my dermatologist look at it, she told me I could check melanoma off my list. But now, I’ve found your post, krgray, and I’m pretty sure it’s lymphoma. Thank you, krgray. Because of you, I will now spend the next 24 hours googling the symptoms.

krgray:

PROTIP: If you have a bump on your neck, don’t look up lymphoma. It’ll only needlessly freak you out.
On an unrelated note, I’m sure that the Simpsons has an appropriate picture to accompany just about anything.

Two years ago, I thought the lymph node under the left side of my neck was larger than the one on the right side. I showed my general practitioner, she said it felt normal. I showed my gynecologist, she said it looked far better than the inside of a vagina. When I made my dermatologist look at it, she told me I could check melanoma off my list. But now, I’ve found your post, krgray, and I’m pretty sure it’s lymphoma. Thank you, krgray. Because of you, I will now spend the next 24 hours googling the symptoms.

krgray:

PROTIP: If you have a bump on your neck, don’t look up lymphoma. It’ll only needlessly freak you out.

On an unrelated note, I’m sure that the Simpsons has an appropriate picture to accompany just about anything.

Dear Fellow Hypos,

WebMD has just confirmed our worst fears. Check out their latest slideshow, “15 Cancer Symptoms Women Ignore,” and you’ll be unnerved yet secretly pleased to know that you were right all along. Every little symptom you’ve ever noticed could, in fact, be something: cancer! And while this slideshow may lead you to your worst diagnosis yet, at least you can tell all those friends and family who never believed you, “I told you so!”

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/pictures_slideshow_15_cancer_symptoms_women_ignore/article_em.htm

“Is peeing a lot bad?” I anxiously asked my Canadian pre-med friend on Skype. “Sure, if you think drinking too much water is bad.” I don’t even like water. I hung up and googled: ”peeing a lot” disease. URL titles appeared like “is frequent PEEING A SIGN OF DISEASE OR SOMETHING?” and “Kidney Failure in Cats: Symptoms and Treatment.” And then, after scrolling down to the bottom of the page, I saw my worst fear underlined in blue: “DIABETES: Types and Symptoms.”

 

I tried to count the amount of times I’d peed that day. I felt like I’d spent half my day in that tiny bathroom with the orange-sponged walls. I think the only time I’d been truly present that week was in that little cave, high above the seat so as not to touch the invisible germs from the previous bums who had gone before mine. It wasn’t my toilet of course and, as a virgin, the thought of getting my first STD from a toilet lid seemed sad and oddly desperate. But the lid didn’t seem so scary anymore considering that I now had diabetes. 

 

The next morning, I wasn’t hungry. My host mom decided a Kinder Surprise chocolate egg might help. Really? My first day of maintaining my blood sugar levels and all she can give me is chocolate for breakfast. I ignored the egg and focused on my new reality. I, like many other diabetics according to MayoClinic.com, was very thirsty. I grabbed the mineral water my host mom called magic. My host sister snapped, “You don’t need that!” Actually I DO! I wanted to yell back. Magic was just what I needed to prevent amputation and vision loss and all the other wonderful effects I would soon undergo. She rolled her eyes. “You’re a twig! Why do you always drink that shit? It’s for fat people. It’s a diuretic - It makes you pee like crazy!” 

Dear Mom and Dad, 

I’m sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. A lot of my friends here smoke. Don’t worry I don’t. But I’m worried because I stand next to them a lot in between classes, and I noticed that I haven’t been breathing as smoothly as I used to. Like sometimes I’ll breath faster than my friends and make this annoying hissing noise. I also cough a lot now. I never coughed that much at home, right? Also, my cheeks look puffy and Mamashealth.com said that swelling of the neck and face is a very common symptom of lung cancer. I’m ok right? Please tell me that I don’t have cancer. Why did I study abroad in France :( 

Samantha

 

Dear Samantha,

Let me remind you that you have Asthma.

Love you,

Mom

At 2am, I found purple spots on my thighs. By 2:10, I had six tabs up from WedMD to the MayoClinic. Every one listed leukemia as a cause. I held back tears, picked my left thumb and stared at my boyfriend’s number on my iphone. I didn’t call but sat there frozen until 3:30am. It wasn’t until I’d read four YahooAnswers’ forums twice and a support blog called Living with Luekemia that I realized I needed to wake everyone up. My mom said I didn’t have leukemia but couldn’t give me a reason why not. My Dad said nothing and rolled over. My Brother laughed and said he couldn’t wait to see the whigs I’d pick out. When I showed the Doctor the spots, he didn’t say anything at first. I broke the silence and told him I was prepared for the worst. I wanted him to know that I had done my research. He looked at the spots again and asked if I’d slapped my thighs a lot recently. I was confused and half-annoyed that he had changed the subject: “I played  that game Zoo yesterday. It’s complicated but basically you sit in a circle with friends and slap your thighs and pretend to be zoo animals.” He smiled and got up to leave: “Maybe give your thighs a rest for awhile.” 

“Some of the supplements that older women take to improve their health may actually raise their risk of death.” -Denise Mann of WedMD Health News, http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-and-supplements/news/20111010/can-supplements-increase-a-womans-risk-of-dying

If you’re not an older woman and you don’t take vitamins, you’re probably relieved right now. I must remind you, though, that if you are human, unfortunately, you are still at risk for dying. Actually, I can tell you that you will definitely die.